Style Invitational Week 1357: It’s parody time! Write us some song lyrics about the news. Plus winning ‘opposites’ of movie titles. (Bob Staake for The Washington Post) By Pat Myers close Image without a caption Pat Myers Editor and judge of The Style Invitational since December 2003 Email Email Bio Bio Follow Follow November 7, 2019 at 10:32 a.m. EST (Click here to skip down <#report> to the winning plays on movie titles) *Oh, the climate inside is frightful,* *But to fire is so delightful!* *My staffers? All friends-turned-foe — * *Let ’em go, let ’em go, let ’em go!* *And it doesn’t show signs of stopping;* *(Truth be told, I’m fond of chopping!)* *I’ll give ’em the old heave-ho — * *Let ’em go, let ’em go, let ’em go!* /— / /Beverley Sharp, Week 1304/ Last year around this time, the Empress asked for songs about topics in the news, set to a winter holiday tune. This time, as we usually do in our song parody contests, we’ll let you loose on the entire songbook. *This week: Write a satirical song about anything in the news right now, set to a familiar tune (or even one of your own, if you perform it on video). * AD If you make a video, we might feature it in the online Invite, but it’s the quality of the lyrics that matters most. If you do, send us a link that will be public by the time the results are published. If you’re sending just the lyrics, it’s helpful to include a link to a video or audio file so an online reader can follow along and hear the melody. Submit up to 25 entries — really, we’ve had people send us 25 songs — at *wapo.st/enter-invite-1357* (no capitals in the Web address). *Deadline is Monday, Nov. 25 — we’re giving you an extra week;* results published Dec. 8 in print, Dec. 5 online. *Winner gets the ***Lose *Cannon, * our Style Invitational trophy. Now, I usually don’t like to award costly prizes, lest losing Losers start filing grievances, but this week, *second place receives ***money*!* First we have //a 10-dollar note from the Federal Bank of Zimbabwe, marked “Harare 1997”; in the early 2000s, the country’s currency suffered such insane hyperinflation — eventually 231 million percent — that the bank was printing out 100-/trillion-/dollar bills. (The government abandoned the currency in 2009 and switched to foreign money, and just this year brought back a Zimbabwean dollar — which is now inflating at 290 percent per year.) But that’s not all! Also included is a 10-pack of $100 bills, or, more precisely, mini-pictures of same on facial tissues. *Other runners-up *win our “You Gotta Play to Lose” Loser Mug or our “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser magnets, “Too-Weak Notice” or “Certificate of (de) Merit.” First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/InvRules . The headline “Box Office Flips” was sent separately by Marco Di Pietro and Jesse Frankovich; Beverley Sharp wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at /on.fb.me/invdev ./ “Like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at /bit.ly/inkofday; / follow @StyleInvite on Twitter. *The Style Conversational *The Empress's weekly online column, published late Thursday afternoon, discusses each new contest and set of results. Especially if you plan to enter, check it out at wapo.st/conv1357. And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . . Box office flips: 'Opposite' movies from Week 1353 In *Week 1353 * the Empress asked the Loser Community to change a word in a movie title to its “opposite” — stipulating that the word would be interpreted with some generosity — and describe the new movie. At least 30 people offered up some sort of “Undocumented Immigrant Kane”; 23 had “All the President’s Women.” 4th place: *Drop-22:* Experience an NFL game from the perspective of Redskins wide receivers./(Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.)/ 3rd place: *Moby Niceguy:* Seafaring yarn about an eco-conscious mariner and his quest to rescue endangered whales./(Jon Ketzner, Cumberland, Md.) / AD 2nd place /and the Twinkle Tush ‘jewel’ to hang under a cat’s tail: / *Don’t You Be My Neighbor:* Lindsey Graham becomes the host of a children’s show on Fox. /(Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.) / And the winner of the Lose Cannon: *The Lion Queen:* Nala overthrows Scar and saves the kingdom, but is still criticized for seeming shrill and unlikable./(Jesse Rifkin, Arlington, Va.) / The plot thins: Honorable mentions ***Melted: *When fearless Princess Anna sets off on a journey to the Arctic to reunite with her sister, all she finds is a carrot in a puddle. /(Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.) / *Bald: *The sunset of the Aged of Aquarius. /(Bruce Carlson, Alexandria, Va.)/ *Woke Beauty:* Disney’s newest princess doesn’t need a kiss — without consent while she’s unconscious, no less — from some rando prince for validation! She knows what time it is, and she’s a true warrior for equal rights and social justice. /(Bill Dorner, Indianapolis; Mary Shawhan, Silver Spring, Md.) / *White Hawk Down: *The latest chapter in the John Bolton story. /(Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.; David Kleinbard, Mamaroneck, N.Y.) / *20,000 Leagues Over the Sea: *The Navy introduces a massive bowling program on its ships to help the sailors cope with long voyages. /(Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.) / *Avengers: Beginning-Game: *Prequel chases these heroes back to days of deadly spitballing and ridiculous four-square skills. /(Dan Helming, Trenton, N.J.) / *Hygienic Harry:* “Go ahead, punk, make my bed!” /(Lee Graham, Rockville, Md.) / //*Sadiator: *It’s hard to get happy when you’re fighting for your life XXIV hours a day, VII days a week. /(Larry Gray, Union Bridge, Md.) / //*Death of Pi:* A very short film about a boy on a raft with a tiger. /(Stuart Anderson, Seattle) / *Sober Noon: *An Old West marshal faces the hardest morning of his life when he discovers that the saloon won’t open till 2:30. /(Larry Gray) / *High Midnight:* The Hadleyville pizza joint just closed, and this burrito ain’t big enough for the both of them! /(Doug Frank, Houston) / *12 Happy Men: *An all-male jury reaches a quick unanimous decision so that they can all get home in time for “Monday Night Football.” /(Rick Haynes, Boynton Beach, Fla.) / *The Dropout:* “Ben, there’s a great future in plastics — but I’ll have the paper bags today, thanks.” /(Marco Di Pietro, Germantown, Md., a First Offender) / *Mission: Possible*: Agent Ethan Hunt is tasked with getting more toner for the IMF office printer. /(Jesse Rifkin) / *Raging Cow:* Trump uses a focus group to finalize nicknames for Warren, Harris and Klobuchar. /(Dave Zarrow, Reston, Va.) / *Big Little Woman:* Amusing tale of the forgotten 121-year-old March sister who was kidnapped and raised by the Cheyenne./(Jon Ketzner) / *Around the Block in 80 Days: *An aging Phileas Fogg pulls out his walker for one last adventure. /(Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.) / //*Small:* An old man who wishes to be young again goes back to middle school, doesn’t do his homework and calls everyone by silly nicknames. /(Deb Stewart, Damascus, Md.) / *Warm Hand Luke:* The other prisoners decide to play a prank on the new guy with a bowl of water while he’s sleeping./(Jeff Shirley) / *Triumph of the Won’t: *Parents attempt to manage a 2-year-old would-be dictator. /(Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.) / *The Godmother: *Cinderella skips the ball and arranges for her stepsisters to sleep with the fishes. /(Bruce Johnson, Churchton, Md.) / *One Flew Into the Cuckoo’s Nest: *The president welcomes this month’s acting secretary of homeland security./(Howard Walderman, Columbia, Md.) / *Partial Recall:* The true story of (someone) who (did something). /(John McCooey, Rehoboth Beach, Del.)/ *Performance Improvement Plan on the Bounty:* Captain Bligh agrees to reduce keelhauling by 90 percent over six weeks. /(Pamela Love, Columbia, Md.)/ *Curable Attraction:* Trump voters finally abandon the president after he is caught boiling the Easter Bunny alive. /(Mike Gips) / *Night of the Dead Dead:* Not much happens in this inaction thriller./(Dave Zarrow)/ *North by Southwest:* A woman not only must take an interminable flight to Saskatchewan, but she doesn’t even get an assigned seat! /(Bill Dorner) / *Realpoo:* A successful hairdresser’s dreams collapse when the secret ingredient in his “conditioner” is revealed. /(Larry Gray) / *Remark vs. Remark:* A documentary on the rise of Twitter wars./(Tom Witte) / *Rebel Without an Effect: *Kerfuffle-making Jeff Flake takes on Donald the town bully: He makes an impassioned speech calling for playing nice, then promptly retires. /(John Bunyan, Cincinnati)/ *Sit and Deliver: *A documentary on the history of constipation remedies. /(Tom Witte) / *The Credibles:* The adventures of a family of notaries public. /(Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.) / *Insomniac Hollow:* It’s not easy to sleep when a headless horseman is riding around the neighborhood! /(Pamela Love) / *Dr. Yes:* Agent 007 finds his source for OxyContin prescriptions. /(Sam Mertens, Silver Spring, Md.) / *Harry Potter and the Chamber of Obvious Things:* A young sorcerer realizes that the Elder Wand is actually his, obviating the need for the next five books. /(Chuck Helwig, Centreville, Va.)/ *Still running — deadline Monday night, Nov. 11: our Ask Backwards contest. See wapo.st/invite1356 . *